Trip to Basara

On Thur Dec 22nd we decided to drive down to Basara, to visit the Saraswati Temple. We started around 8am, from Hyd on the Nagpur highway. Till Medchal we had to deal with the traffic, but once we crossed Medchal it was a pretty good ride. 4-lane highway, smooth and with very little traffic. Stopped at Harita, near Kamareddy for breakfast. The smooth, 4-lane highway tempted me to take the wheel, which I did amidst protests. Alas, as soon as I took over the road changed drastically. 4-lanes became 2-lanes with construction work going on and add to it the lorry traffic it made me relinquish the wheel after driving for 1/2 hr. Road was pretty much the same till Dichpally, where we left the highway towards Nizamabad, after crossing which the road became narrower. Reached Basara by 12:30pm.

It is a small temple, very simple. The presiding deity Goddess Saraswati seated in a lotus with veena in her hand, is also known as Gyana Saraswati, giver of knowledge. This temple is famous place to initiate kids into learning, aksharabhyasam. There is a cave, Vyasa Guha, where Vyasa Maharshi is supposed to have meditated and realised Goddess. Going into the cave was an adventure by itself, narrow passage sloping inward leads to the cave, where standing is impossible. The temple being small and crowd being sparse we finished darshan and pradakshina of the temple in no time. Visited the river Godavari, on whose banks the temple is located. Many were taking holy dip, while we made do with a boat ride in the river.
Started the return trip, stopped at Nizamabad for lunch around 2pm.
On the way back took a detour into the village of Dichpally, where there was supposed to be a Ramalayam. We had to ask for directions on the way since the signs were not very prominent. Once inside the village, the villagers pointed in the right direction before we could get the query out. The Ramalayam itself was very nice, surprisingly. It has to be reached by climbing up some 100 steps. The temple resembles a fort and not our traditional gopuram style. Legend there says that Lord Rama halted there for 14 days, after meeting Hanuman on the way to Lanka to save Sita Devi. Very fine carvings on the walls and a nice view from the top. Very cool and very peaceful. The temple unfortunately was closed but we did have a glimpse of the deities, looked like marble statues.
Reached Hyd by 6pm. It was a nice day trip done at a leisurely pace.

Parenting woes

The other day, my friend was complaining about how her son is not listening to her and has become uncontrollable. His age? 10yrs. I wonder how a 10yr old can be causing so many problems. I have been my friend's confidante for past 20yrs or so, hence I know exactly what she was talking about and though I sympathise with her, I feel it is her fault. Let me elaborate.
When he was a baby, he was a bit fussy about eating, which kid isnt, you say. Well, my friend isnt known for her patience, so she would switch on the TV, plop him in front of it and feed him. You see, he was so enthralled by TV that he would watch it wide-eyed and would sit without moving and she could feed him without any effort. Once she understood the advantages of TV, she used it to her advantage: need some work to be done, plop him in front of TV and get the work done uninterrupted; need some respite from being mommy, plop him in front of TV and relax for a while. Now she is looking at the downside, he is addicted to TV. He sits in front of TV and stays glued to the spot. Everything has to be done in front of TV, even his homework. Now can you blame him for turning into a couch potato?
Next, complaint, he is adamant, if he wants something he has to have it, and he would pout/ sulk/ throw a tantrum till his wish is fulfilled. Now the parents pampered him all the while. Growing up they bowed to all his demands, just so he wouldnt cry. At that time the demands were to be carried around or to see cartoon network instead of CNBC or some such thing. Now he realised the weapon he has of crying and is trying to get his way. So why is it a big deal now? Well the demands are becoming very expensive and sometimes not all that easy to full-fill.
Next complaint, he is refusing to listen to his parents any more. Well, they give the instructions half heartedly and dont stick to the threats they make. For example, mommy says it is bed-time, he says no he wants to watch TV for some more time. Mommy dear doesnt have the heart to snatch the TV remote from him and switch off the TV and send him packing to bed. Why will he or why should he listen to her at all?
She sighs and says we were not like this growing up, we were so obedient and well-behaved, this generation kids are impossible. Now isnt that a reflection how we are bringing them up? Arent we responsible for them? Our parents taught us all the manners and instilled good values in us. Arent we supposed to do the same for our kids? I know parents who are addicted to TV, who go to bed late and get up late, so how are kids going to learn anything from them? And with what right do they demand the opposite of what they themselves are?
The problem is parents want to give the best for their children, which is good. But they forget that they have to provide not only materialistic comforts for them but also the best moral and ethical values. Nuclear  families are putting a lot of pressure on parents, plus the fact that both the parents are working. By providing all luxuries for the children they think that they are doing a good job. But they dont realise that without bothering to explain where all that comes from and at what price, they are spoiling them more than anything.

Civic Sense

Recently Times of India conducted a survey about most livable cities of India, based upon various categories. There was one category which confused me a lot. Civic Sense. The confusion was because Hyderabad topped the list. The percentage was less, 27%, but it beat other cities like Bangalore, Pune etc..
I think my English is pretty good, but now I am doubting myself. What is civic sense? Do Hyderabadi people have better civic sense than rest? God save the other cities.
As is usual with our generation I did a google search on Civic Sense, one definition caught my attention - "Knowing better than to buy one. Stay away from Hondas". From Yahoo Answers, hilarious, right?
Now coming back to Hyderabad and Civic Sense, I made a list of things that definitely dont qualify Hyderabadis on having any

• using streets, footpaths, any public place as a dustbin, spittoon and urinal
• blocking the doorways to shops, malls, trains, buses - u know how everyone stands on the threshold and looks around, causing a traffic jam
• trying to squeeze to the beginning of the line, any line be it at ticket counter, traffic signals, cash counters
• thinking they have right of the way anywhere and everywhere
• talking loudly on cellphones, irrespective of the place u r in - shops, movie theatres, malls, buses, autos, driving
• demanding one be served first and better than rest

The worst thing I feel, is the attitude of these same people when they go abroad. There they are epitomes of civility, they are very careful. Careful to the extent as not to carry/eat Indian food at workplace, the strong smell offends colleagues. The minute they step out of the airport they spit on the side-walk.
These days we have ample provision of spittoons, public toilets at strategic locations, but still no one uses them, it has to be the road/pavement.
And talking loudly over cell phones, I feel the person on the other end can hear directly.I have the urge to cover my ears rather than hear private conversations in public places.
The list goes on and on, but you get my confusion, right? Am I missing something? Is there really better civic sense in Hyderabad? Am I looking at things wrong?

Wedding Jitters

What are wedding jitters? Like all things in life we ape from west, it is a western concept. But this concept, i feel doesnt make sense for the westerners. I remember a colleague of mine in USA getting married. She was all worked up, I never understood why. She knew the guy, they have been living together for the past five years, so what was the big deal. Wedding was just a tag, i felt. Unlike in India, where marriage is between two families, there it is pretty much between the guy and the gal, so why worry?

Coming to marriages in India, like I said it is between families. Whether it is a joint family or not, we are linking two families. Family obligations precede everything else, be it love marriage or arranged. Right from the wedding ceremony, both the parties have to be satisfied. Now, even the bride and groom get to have a say in the ceremony. When I got married, I wasnt consulted for any of the arrangements, save for the clothes and jewellery. Everything was taken care of by my parents and elders of the family.

Now, the bride and groom get to select the venue, decorations, videographers, caterers and even the band. All of which they dont even get a chance to look at. They hardly get to see the decorations, as they are a part of it; no food for the day, even when they do eat it is so late and they are so exhausted, they dont even realise what they are eating; and band, they will be concentrating so hard on what the priest is asking them to do to pay any attention to the band. No one knows.

Then comes the actual ceremony. Everyone has an opinion, there will be one elderly person in all weddings, saying this is not the way it is done. They wont be on the scene when arrangements are being made. They just crop up on the day of wedding and point a finger at everything. And the best part is everyone takes them seriously and try to change / cater for their suggestions/ demands. Who is this person and why are they taking over?

And after the ceremony, how much ever well prepared, there will be one thing that was overlooked and that takes utmost importance. This one thing will be talked about over and over in all the future meetings and no one will forget this one thing.

I remember my first experience with weddings, my friends' sister was getting married. We all pitched in and helped around with the preparations. Seeing all the hassle and not to mention the cost, I declared mine would be a simple registered marriage with no hoopla, followed by a reception later. Then aunty, tired with all the work, objected. According to her, the traditional wedding ceremony is not only the necessity as per traditions, but serves as a grand get-together for all the family members. How many would turn up for a reception, compared to a wedding? All the pomp and grandeur is aimed at bringing families together. And it is a platform to say thanks to all the people in our lives and for shaping our future. A way to strengthen your bond with family, far and near. Made sense. Our bonding with family is so important that we have all these rituals to keep them alive. Dont you agree

My American Nephew

Today is my nephew's birthday, first birthday. I cant believe he is an year old. I am sure he doesnt understand a bit of what is happening, but we are all excited about it.

What makes this all the more special is, it is a one month long celebration, with 4 birthday celebrations. Can you imagine, this teeny weeny baby is getting a month-long celebration? It all started with his birthday according to his paternal grandparents, then it will be followed by birthday according to Julius Caesar, then according to his parents (over the weekend in keeping with American tradition), then according to his maternal grandparents. Is he lucky or what? He makes me wish I was born now and had so many people helping me celebrate so many birthdays.

That reminds me of a lady who was born on the 29th of February. She celebrates according to the Hindu calendar, on 28th Feb and on 1st March. Her logic, since 29th comes in between 28th and 1st, she doesnt want to miss the moment when it flashes across. Of course, in a leap year, her celebrations are over 4 days, dont want to break the tradition, you see.

And then there is my husband, who thinks that his date-of-birth is numerologically inauspicious for him, hence doesnt like celebrating his birthday at all. I try telling him that it is a lucky date for me, so I should get a chance to celebrate it but to no avail.

Coming back to my nephew, guess how many gifts he will be getting? In keeping with Indian tradition, irrespective of the gender of the child, near and dear ones present them with gold. So already he is rich, and now he will get richer. There is a theory about the birthday parties thrown, it is to collect gifts. Of course, I dont endorse that opinion, a gift once in a while wont do any harm, right? So what if sometimes you have to be explicit about it?

Anyway, Many Many Happy Returns to my nephew, have fun as you have every other day of your life.

Traffic in Hyderabad

The other day I was visiting my cousin and her son was there. I was meeting him after a long time and we had lot to catch up.
Last time I met he was busy with his studies. He was in his inter first year and joined one of the coaching centres that prepare you for engineering exams. I had just a glimpse of him as he rushed in from his classes and gobbled some food and rushed into his room to study. All that effort paid off and he got seat in an engineering college and now he is in his second year. He looked very relaxed. He started regaling me with the stories of his college and his friends. I really enjoyed the day and my cousin was also very much relieved and relaxed.
On the way back I kept thinking of the change that I noticed at my cousin's home. Two years of seriousness and anxiety and now so much ease and fun. It was amazing. But that popped a question in my mind. What happened to all the competitive struggle now? At the tender age of 15-17, the kids are being made to study so hard, watch every mark they gain or lose, compare with their friends, study study study. So what happens to all that? It has to become a part of your life, how can you come from such a hectic lifestyle and be normal? One gets up daily at 5am for a week or ten days out of compulsion, then you automatically wake at that time, irrespective of the need. It is human nature, we are slaves to our habits. So what happened to all those long study hours and all that thinking of one thing for two years, what replaces it?
My thoughts we interrupted by the loud cursing of the auto driver. Some bike guy cut in front of our auto. That brought me out of my reverie. And I started paying more attention to what was going on around me. An enlightenment dawned upon me. All the competition that was drilled into the students didnt go waste, they were displaying their talent right here on the roads of Hyderabad. Look at the driving here. It is like a race going on. All in a hurry to overtake the other, all in a hurry to reach their destination first. Everyone is in a look-out for a short cut, a gap in the traffic to squeeze in, a bit of pavement to climb on, a small gap in divider to take the turn and talking over cell phones. All the while keeping an eye open for the traffic cop, poor guy he blows whistle and rushes to catch the offender only to see him slip by gracefully.
If beating the traffic is introduced as a sport in Olympics, we from Hyderabad will not only take the gold medal but all the first 10 spots will be ours.