Of Weddings and Marriages

Some thirty years back, my friends' sister got married. We, in our mid-teens, participated very enthusiastically, right from the wedding preparations. This was time before cell phones, event managers, caterers etc.. So one had to visit each one of the service providers, right from cooks to tent-wallahs, pay advance, fix the dates, remind them etc. etc. In short, run around a lot. Seeing all this hassle, one of us declared, "I am getting my marriage registered, no hassles for me". Aunty looked at us and asked, "So you don't want your friends and relatives to see your wedding?". "I will throw a reception", came the prompt reply. Aunty, then, launched into a lecture of how weddings were an excuse for all the relatives and friends to meet and network. And how no one would take the trouble to attend an out-station reception, while for a wedding they would take the trouble. That though it involves a lot of hassle, how she was enjoying all the hustle and bustle. 

Why talk about something that happened two decades ago, you ask? Well, recently I chanced to attend a wedding. After my marriage, we were in UK and USA for nearly a decade. So I missed all the weddings of my cousins' and friends'. Since our return we have attended mostly the wedding receptions of not-so-near relatives. So when a dear colleague of mine got engaged and she insisted I attend her wedding at Vizag, I thought why not. So we decided to make a holiday out of it and went to Vizag. 

The wedding was in the night, and as usual there was a pre-wedding dinner which all their relatives and friends attended. Ideally, we too would have attended that dinner and left. But since I was there and had nothing better to do, I decided to attend the wedding too. I went to the marriage hall at night and was amazed. There were hardly 50 people attending. Immediate family members only. And no kids!!!! I bet the kids were watching TV or playing video games in the hotel rooms. 

I remember the weddings of my uncles and aunts, where we cousins had so much fun. We never slept for the fear of missing out on not the wedding but a chance to play and have fun. And the fun we had, running around, playing all sorts of games with the flowers and decorations strewn on the floor. And then one of us would land into trouble and we would all be yelled at. That would keep us still for five or at most ten minutes and then we would be back, creating havoc. 

There was no such thing happening now. The reception was the place were everyone came, blessed the couple, had sumptuous food and left. The floor was left for the bride and groom, with their parents and immediate family members. No kids running around, no laughter, no gossiping. The purohit didn't have to yell at anyone for making so much noise. The band was getting bored and started pelting their own tunes, no one to mind them. No mid-night coffee/tea or snacks. In short, no fun.

So, I remembered what Aunty had said and how true she was. Elaborate weddings are so much more fun. With the advent of reception culture, the main event has taken back-seat. Now, it is a glittery reception followed by a lackluster wedding. Even when the marriage is in the same city, no one wants to waste their precious sleep to attend the wedding. We either find excuse in distances, or hectic schedules or some such thing. The thing is we have become plain lazy and are not able to enjoy simple things in life, let alone the beauty of a marriage ceremony. I am equally guilty of this crime.

Movie-Going Experience

Last week, after a long time, we went to see a movie at a theater, not multiplex screen but at a good old theater. It was a very nostalgic and at the same time a disturbing experience.

We went to Sapna theater in Abids. Abids, for non-Hyderabadi readers, was an upper-class shopping area. When we were kids, it was an area we went to window-shop, couldn't afford to buy anything. The road used to be wide and neat. Sparse traffic and no hustle bustle as seen at Koti or General Bazaar. The stretch of road extending from GPO to Lepakshi and back. We used to stroll along without worrying about bumping into fellow shoppers, bikes, autos or cars. Have a fresh fruit juice, rarity in those days, and return home. Now with the advent of malls, it has lost its significance and importance.

Now, imagine a theater in the middle of this posh area. Huge ornate gates, trees in the complex and people waiting for the doors to open. That was Santosh and Sapna. Mostly, hindi movies used to play there. I remember seeing Baazigar with friends, Saudagar with my brother and 10 Commandments with my mother. These three movies stand out prominently in my memory, I am sure I have seen numerous other movies there. We would go and wait in queue for the ticket counter to open. No on-line bookings, and advance bookings only at 11am. There would be separate queue for ladies and usually less crowded. Another advantage with ladies queue was that one could buy more tickets. While men were allowed to buy 2-4 tickets at a time, for ladies the number was flexible. So we ladies were treated royally by our family members/friends accompanying us.

Once we get tickets and proceed to the lounge, the walls were filled with snap shots from the current movie and some coming attractions. Then the popcorn, samosa and cold drinks. Inside the theater, look for seats and settle down for the treat.

Last week, when we went it was a total let down. The road did not have any of its past grandeur. The wide road did not seem wide enough now, with so much traffic. The gates and the tree were intact, but the building looked forlorn.  Not much of a queue, hardly any one was there to watch the movie. Inside it was dark and dingy. Walls were empty. Inside the hall was also dark, just few lights were switched on, energy conservation. As we occupied the seats, only select fans were switched on. The attender made a round, yelling at people to be careful with the seats as they were new. The entire scenario literally brought tears to my eyes. Samosas were cold and dry, cold drinks not cold. Movie was a disaster, not worth watching. And the screen, seemed so far away. The sound was average, at times drowned by the noise of the fans.

Where was all the pomp and show? Earlier movie-going experience was just that. Now it is shopping-cum-dining-cum-games-cum-movie experience. Multi-tasking has crept into our daily experiences. I miss those days of simplicity and relaxation. 

Woes of IIT Aspirants

The latest news is how students from AP are getting cheated of their rightful place in IIT. All because of weightage given to Inter marks and the marks equalisation scheme introduced by CBSE. Students who scored high in the entrance exam got a lesser rank because of their performance in Intermediate exam.

Craze for engineering and medical courses has always been the crux of every family in AP. Every parent wants their child to be an engineer or doctor. This has resulted in heavy competition. Entrance exams were introduced to select worthy candidates. Growth in the number of engineering colleges in the state resulted in increase in the intake for engineers. Coaching centers have cashed in on this opportunity. Where it was an insult to have tuition, now getting into a coaching center has a become prestigious issue. Some colleges converted to college-cum-coaching center mode. The teaching format changed from understanding the concept to rote learning.

Another trend that emerged was colleges finishing the Inter syllabus as early in the academic year as possible, devoting the rest of the time to preparation for entrance exams and revisiting Inter syllabi just before board exams. This resulted in the feeling that Inter is of no consequence. Since it is a qualifier for all engineering courses, one has to pass, marks do not matter neither does the content. There have been cases where students got ranks in EAMCET but failed in Inter. To cater to such cases instant exams came into picture, student gets a chance to rectify their marks without loosing an year of study. I feel that adding weightage to Inter marks in engineering admissions is a very sensible move. The basics are being getting neglected for long in AP. It is like ignoring the oil change in your vehicle since you filled it with petrol in abundance. Both are equally necessary.

Coming to the second aspect, marks equalisation. The war of boards has been on since their inception. ICSE syllabus was supposed to be tough, AP state board very high scoring while CBSE was very low scoring. I have known students shifting from CBSE to AP board when they come to Inter saying Inter standard is better, but the actual reason for the shift was easy score. CBSE has always been given step-motherly treatment in AP. This is all common knowledge, so why create a ruckus now, when the education board is trying to set things right? Trying to bring all education boards on par is the first step towards educational equality. Percentile system is not a new concept. All management courses adopt it. So what is the problem, now?

Change is never accepted with open arms, even when it is for the betterment of society. People are not realising the effects of bad foundation. Look at all the failures around us. Buildings collapsing, roads crumpling, bridges snapping, airline accidents. Everyone blames corruption. If engineers are confident of their skills why would they be tempted to make easy money? Because they lack basic knowledge, they want to make maximum of the opportunity presented to them before they are exposed. Wouldn't it be better if we can produce good quality engineers and improve the society, instead to looking for ways to mass produce low quality engineers and suffer consequences?

Tryst with Network Provider

Recently, I tried changing my pre-paid connection to post-paid connection. The reason for change was the efforts of a persistent telemarketer. She had the perseverance which would have put Vikramaditya (of "Vikram and Betaal" fame not Ravi Teja) to shame. She called me continuously for three days till I said yes. My main concern was time taken for the process. She assured me that it would be done within a day and the package details were also good. So I went ahead with it.

First, their sales executive came home to collect my signatures on form, one id proof and one address proof.  That was a Saturday. He gave me a new post-paid sim. He said there will be an sms indicating the de-activation of service, at which point I was to switch the sim cards. Then dial an id verification number, give them the details and within 15mins my post-paid connection would be activated. Sounds simple, right? Well, my woes had just begun.

The day passed and the next, with no sms. I was worried. Since I was getting a post-paid connection I did not recharge my pre-paid card and the balance was running low. I was at home the first two days and had access to landline, hence no problem. But then come Monday, I was to go out. I had to recharge my card. In the meanwhile, there were three calls verifying my details. I should have taken the hint and cancelled the entire process.

On Tuesday, I happened to be at home, when another guy from airtel came to confirm my address. He asked details of my employment and my husband's. On prying I came to know that he was ascertaining the fact that I was capable of paying the bills. On Wednesday finally my pre-paid card got de-activated. I changed the sim and called the verification desk. They asked for my house address, the one I rattled off didnt match the one on their records. What next? She said she will pass it on to another department and let me know. Nothing till evening. I call again, and go through the entire process and get the same assurance. I loose my cool. It seems their data entry operator entered the address wrong and for that I have to wait couple of more hours for anything to happen.

I decided nothing is going to happen on the phone. I go to the airtel office to see what can be done. I reach early and find it not busy yet. But as my luck would have it, the minute I sit the system stops responding and I have to wait for the technician to fix the glitch. Finally my record comes up and the address has a / instead of a 1 in the house number. I was carrying the address proof and showed it to them. The solution, I was asked to call the verification number and give them the wrong address and get my cell activated !!!!!!!! I was already too tired and frustrated to argue, just caved in and obliged. Got my connection within half hour.

I had often wondered at the pre-processing that happens when you try to create an account, whether it is a bank account or a mobile network account or a gas connection. And always was given to understand that it was to minimise all the misuse that takes place, but still misuse happens. And how, I came to know it first-hand. There are so many ways of bypassing the rules and regulations !!!!!!!!!

Compassion Day

Times of India had been going on and on about compassion and culminated it with compassion day on the 28th of June. I decided to do my bit towards it. They defined compassion as knowing about your daily help more, like their names(!), family details etc. etc.. I already knew the life history of all the domestic help in our complex, might be a bit too much to the comfort of my purse. So how do I make a difference?

I was driving that day and suddenly I decided to be compassionate on the road. Bad idea, you say? Well, let me give you a first-hand account of what happens when you are compassionate on the roads of Hyderabad. I started off by deciding not to honk. For those outside India, this might not seem a big deal, but it is in India. I managed couple of minutes. Then, suddenly the bike next to me started veering into my lane without a glance in my direction. I had to honk to let him know of my presence. Phew, a major disaster averted. Well, it was not my fault that I had to honk, right? So I am not breaking my pledge, right?

Next, there was a pedestrian trying to cross the road. Time for my second act of compassion. I stopped to allow her to pass, but she wasn't even looking in my direction. She was in the middle of the lane and not even looking at the traffic coming her way!!!!! The vehicles behind me got angry at my unscheduled stop. I had to move trying to avoid the pedestrian, by honking!!!

Then, there was this junction manned by a traffic cop. He stopped our lane and was in my line of vision. I gestured encouragingly at him, trying to be compassionate. He stared at me and started moving towards me, I think he wanted to write me a challan. I didn't wait for confirmation, just drove away.

So, roads of Hyderabad are not the place to be compassionate. I went shopping and tried to be nice to the shopkeeper, but he looked at me suspiciously. I think he thought I was out to steal or cheat him of something. Every place I went and tried to be friendly and compassionate, I was met with either blank stares or suspicious looks. It made me think, might be the city is not ready for compassion.

Marriages

Come marriage season and my stress levels begin to rise. We usually do not get invited much, and I am content with that scenario. Though I love attending weddings and meeting friends and relatives, all the pre-wedding preparations give me jitters. (NOTE: This blog is strictly for women, men can read at their own risk).

First the card arrives. These days arrival of card is also not that essential, usually the invites are over the phone with an ecopy of the wedding card sent via email. If the wedding is of a relative, then our card gets dropped at my in-laws or my parents' place and we get a courtesy call. The next step is discussion (read argument) between me and my hubby as to whether we should attend the function or not (usually hubby doesn't want to and I want to); if yes, then how and when (time) do we go and how long are we supposed to be there. Next hunt for a suitable wedding gift. I am all for giving cash, so the couple can buy something useful. Hubby likes to get an item, which is very difficult to choose, especially if the couple is on their way to  the US.

Next comes the nightmare. Which sari to wear? It is a usually depressing task, since all my saris are outdated (or so I am told);  none of my blouses fit (reminding me of all the extra kilos I have accumulated over the years) and all my safety pins are rusted (due to non-usage). Anyway, once I get hold of the blouse that still fits me, sari is fixed. Next, jewellery. What to wear? While at home I feel over-dressed, and eventually end up under-dressed. 

Guys have it so easy. All they have to do is shave (if it is a non-shaving day), wear shirt instead of t-shirt, pants instead of jeans and they are done. If the wedding happens to be on a working day, all the more better, they just get dressed for office and that's it. For us if it is on a working day, we have to carry a change of dress along. 

And all this trouble for how long. We don't even stay long enough at the venue. My hubby's policy - eat, bless the couple, give them the gift and we are done, time to make an exit. Urgghhhhh, I hate weddings !!!!!!