Two Decades

Two decades of blissful married life deserves a blog of its own. 

We met first in the year 1991 at Hyderabad Central University. He claims it was love at first sight. For me it was more of a discovery process (it still is). I knew him as a friend - warm, caring and considerate. Most of his friends, family and acquaintances will vouch for it. Me - a bit selfish, self-centered but overall a good person. I guess he pursued me with relentless effort and finally after an year of friendship we committed to each other. He had been my best friend, confidante and life partner ever since. 

We have matured together in this journey, so much so that it is difficult to tell our decisions apart. It is always our decisions, never yours and mine. We have learnt to face consequences of "our" decisions together. There is no blame game. Since we were classmates, our friends are also common. So no question of one ignoring the other's friends. We don't differentiate between our parents, no in-law concept. Our parents, our family. In short, everything in our lives is ours - decisions, parents, assets, etc. etc.. This might come as a shock to the current independent generation but believe me it works. I hardly remember any major fights between us.

We have had our ups and downs in life, but no regrets. Ravi has this tendency not to dwell on the past, nor loose much thought over the future. He lives in the present. And though I am a worrier by nature, it is hard to dwell on such things when your partner refuses to entertain such thoughts and conversations. He has always been there for me, no matter what. He respects me and values my opinions. The feeling being mutual. Our relationship is based on trust, respect and love.

What else can one wish for in life - loving and caring spouse. Well, I will be selfish, I want many more decades of the same blissful life.........touch wood...........

Me and My Career

Long time back, a friend of my husband said for Indian women career is their prerogative but for men it is a compulsion. I didn't take it as an offence but took it literarily and have not only changed jobs but tried a lot of different career options. I always had the full support from my husband with his standard response of "your wish".

I started my career with MBT, now Mahindra Tech. Though we had placements facility at campus I never cleared the interviews. Always cleared the written tests but never the interviews. That's when my husband, then my classmate, gave me the title "theoretically strong, practically....". After finishing my post-graduation, I went to Bombay where my parents were staying and tried for jobs. No success. Finally, my father intervened, he spoke to the HR manager at MBT and I got my first job.

After completing two years with MBT, we decided to try the greener pastures of the USA. Again the repeat performance, clearing the technical tests but failing at personal interviews. And this was the time of millennium when the mainframe expertise was in demand. Finally, a consulting company decided to take the risk and recruited us. MCI at Colorado Springs, USA, for some reason liked me and offered a contract. Might be because the interview was telephonic. My mom had this theory that I fared better in board exams, because I didn't know who the examiner was and wouldn't be criticised/ridiculed in person.

I quit MCI for personal reasons and later when we shifted to Charlotte, I decided to take up a job again. In the meantime, I tried my hand at some voluntary work like hospice and social services etc.. The hunt for job again proved a bit difficult. Finally, I got a job at Belk Retail Stores but through a job hunter, so another job attained no thanks to my skills!!!

Later we shifted to India and again started my job hunt. Initially, I got into a training centre at Ameerpet, again through Dad's contacts, didn't work out. Then got an offer from Satyam training center but too far, so didn't go for it. Later I got into CSC. That went on well for sometime but I got irritated with the commute and the work culture. One very frustrating day, I just walked into St. Francis College and dropped my resume. I completely forgot about it, till one day a lady from the college called asking if I was still interested in the job. I said yes and got the job. Later I got tired of that job and had this grand plan of doing my PhD. Turned out research was not my cup of tea and my ego prevented me from getting back to college. So while I was floating around a friend of mine suggested, out of the blue, I try at Pramati and here I am working again.

My point of all this rambling is, somehow jobs seem to be finding me when I think I am not cut out for something. It just happens and feels like always someone, other than me, is trying to get me employed. And I never had any complaints about the jobs I did and enjoyed each and every adventure that came my way. 

Relationship Blues

This song from Saath Saath has been on my mind for the better part of the week.

Ye Bata De Mujhe Zindagi

Pyaar Ki Raah Ke Humsafar

Kis Tarah Ban Gaye Ajnabee

Ye Bata De Mujhe Zindagi

Phool Kyoon Saare Murjhaa Gaye

Kis Liye Bujh Gayee Chandini

Kal Jo Baahon Mein Thee

Aur Nigaahon Mein Thee

Ab Wo Garmi Kahaan Kho Gayee

Na Wo Andaaz Hai

Na Wo Awaaz Hai

Ab Wo Narmi Kahaan Kho Gayee

Bewafa Tum Nahin

Bewafa Hum Nahin

Phir Wo Jazbaat Kyoon So Gaye

Pyaar Tumko Bhi Hai

Pyaar Humko Bhi Hai

Faasle Phir Ye Kyoon Ho Gaye

Ye Bata De Mujhe Zindagee

Such  profound lyrics. We start missing the people we love. They are right there with us, we see them, we talk to them on a daily basis, but still there is this distance that seems insurmountable. Why does this happen? Is it growing out of love? I don't think so. We still love them. We are so comfortable with them that our interactions with them have become second nature to us. We react without any thought. Then something different or unexpected happens that catches you unawares. You start thinking back, and realise it has been so long that you really gave the relationship any thought. You took them for granted. 

Is it natural? Is that what relations are all about? I hear many couples complaining about the lack of conversations in their marriage. I remember a scene from the movie "Two for the Road", where Audrey Hepburn asks the hero (don't remember who it was), "What kind of people can sit there without a word to say to each other?" and he replies, "Married people!" Though in the context of the movie, it was supposed to reveal the strain in their relationship, I think it is a good observation.  And with a valid explanation to it. Married people do tend to talk less, by talking I don't mean communicating. They don't need words to communicate their feelings. It becomes intuitive after a point of time.

So, what am I rambling about? I guess, what I am trying to say is that people do not grow out of love. Love is still in the air, just the medium of expression changes. Don't worry. As long as you are communicating, sound bytes do not matter!!!!