"You won't realise its value until it is gone", "You have to let it go to realise its worth", "Tell someone how you feel before it is too late" are the things I kept hearing but never understood their full import. If we don't realise the importance of something or someone in our lives then do we really deserve them or that in your lives??? I am sure my family, friends and even my domestic help know what they mean in my life, don't they?
Then two incidents in my life made me realise what they really meant. One happened when my Aunt met with a fatal accident in 2010 and second when I lost my cousin to a freak mishap last year (2018). These incidents really shook me up. I still regret that I hadn't been in touch with them since the completion of my education. It was not my fault, it was circumstance, I can come up with excuses but it hardly makes any sense now, its too late. To understand my rant, we need to go to my childhood.
Every summer, my mother and her siblings met at their parent's house along with families. So, that meant us, cousins, too. It was a full house and those were the days of no TV, no mobile, basically, we were left to entertain ourselves. My grandparents had a house with a huge hall (might be 20x15 feet or larger) which acted as a dining space plus living space plus playground plus night quarters. Imagine a dozen or so kids in that space, when the weather was too hot to be outdoors. I don't remember ever getting bored, we always had plenty to do, thanks to the ingenuity and creativity of the adults.
Throughout all those years, I remember my aunt very fondly. The reason being when my mom went for her second delivery (first being me) and later to complete her degree, my aunt took me under her wing and ensured that I didn't miss my mom too much. She was always smiling and always full of energy and stories. She was a college student then, but the same vigor and enthusiasm were present until her later days. The second person I treasured was my cousin. My dad was in a bank and we were always on the move, she was the closest to a best friend I ever had and the fact we were born in the same year worked in our favor. These two were the soul of any gathering. My aunt was the planner, always coming up with ways to include everyone in every gathering. Once we, cousins, grew up and our schedules no longer permitted a common meeting time, she was instrumental in creating a Yahoo mailing group for family members and ensured that we were always in touch. My cousin was a more silent type who could observe and notice if anyone was feeling left out and able to bring them into the fold. With both around, there was no dearth of things to do and topics to talk/debate about.
Another thing about them was their perseverance. They were truly the epitome of one-can-do-anything-if-they-willed-it. Both in their limited spheres achieved what the women activists of today can only dream of. The command they had in whatever they did was amazing, be it running the house, guiding and shaping the lives of their kids, community service or following a career. I remember my aunt going for typing classes when her kids started going to school. She assured me it is never too late to acquire a skill and a skill acquired never goes waste. Another thing I remember was her passion for novels, she devoured them. When she was tied up with her infants, post-delivery and didn't get time during the day to read, she would stay awake at night to get her daily reading quota. At that time, I never understood her behavior, now with all the talk about "my-time", it totally makes sense.
I wish I got to know more about my cousin but like I said we drifted. Even after our return to India, we could not meet often though we were staying in the same city, but whenever we met the days apart didn't seem to matter. She had the knack of making people relaxed and comfortable in her presence. She too, like my aunt, managed to carve a niche for herself beyond her identity as a daughter, wife, and mother, which I wish were true of me.
What else can I say? I am sure wherever they are, everyone around them is having a gala time. I surely miss them and I wish they knew what they meant to me...I wish I told them...I wish......
