The other day, my friend was complaining about how her son is not listening to her and has become uncontrollable. His age? 10yrs. I wonder how a 10yr old can be causing so many problems. I have been my friend's confidante for past 20yrs or so, hence I know exactly what she was talking about and though I sympathise with her, I feel it is her fault. Let me elaborate.
When he was a baby, he was a bit fussy about eating, which kid isnt, you say. Well, my friend isnt known for her patience, so she would switch on the TV, plop him in front of it and feed him. You see, he was so enthralled by TV that he would watch it wide-eyed and would sit without moving and she could feed him without any effort. Once she understood the advantages of TV, she used it to her advantage: need some work to be done, plop him in front of TV and get the work done uninterrupted; need some respite from being mommy, plop him in front of TV and relax for a while. Now she is looking at the downside, he is addicted to TV. He sits in front of TV and stays glued to the spot. Everything has to be done in front of TV, even his homework. Now can you blame him for turning into a couch potato?
Next, complaint, he is adamant, if he wants something he has to have it, and he would pout/ sulk/ throw a tantrum till his wish is fulfilled. Now the parents pampered him all the while. Growing up they bowed to all his demands, just so he wouldnt cry. At that time the demands were to be carried around or to see cartoon network instead of CNBC or some such thing. Now he realised the weapon he has of crying and is trying to get his way. So why is it a big deal now? Well the demands are becoming very expensive and sometimes not all that easy to full-fill.
Next complaint, he is refusing to listen to his parents any more. Well, they give the instructions half heartedly and dont stick to the threats they make. For example, mommy says it is bed-time, he says no he wants to watch TV for some more time. Mommy dear doesnt have the heart to snatch the TV remote from him and switch off the TV and send him packing to bed. Why will he or why should he listen to her at all?
She sighs and says we were not like this growing up, we were so obedient and well-behaved, this generation kids are impossible. Now isnt that a reflection how we are bringing them up? Arent we responsible for them? Our parents taught us all the manners and instilled good values in us. Arent we supposed to do the same for our kids? I know parents who are addicted to TV, who go to bed late and get up late, so how are kids going to learn anything from them? And with what right do they demand the opposite of what they themselves are?
The problem is parents want to give the best for their children, which is good. But they forget that they have to provide not only materialistic comforts for them but also the best moral and ethical values. Nuclear families are putting a lot of pressure on parents, plus the fact that both the parents are working. By providing all luxuries for the children they think that they are doing a good job. But they dont realise that without bothering to explain where all that comes from and at what price, they are spoiling them more than anything.
When he was a baby, he was a bit fussy about eating, which kid isnt, you say. Well, my friend isnt known for her patience, so she would switch on the TV, plop him in front of it and feed him. You see, he was so enthralled by TV that he would watch it wide-eyed and would sit without moving and she could feed him without any effort. Once she understood the advantages of TV, she used it to her advantage: need some work to be done, plop him in front of TV and get the work done uninterrupted; need some respite from being mommy, plop him in front of TV and relax for a while. Now she is looking at the downside, he is addicted to TV. He sits in front of TV and stays glued to the spot. Everything has to be done in front of TV, even his homework. Now can you blame him for turning into a couch potato?
Next, complaint, he is adamant, if he wants something he has to have it, and he would pout/ sulk/ throw a tantrum till his wish is fulfilled. Now the parents pampered him all the while. Growing up they bowed to all his demands, just so he wouldnt cry. At that time the demands were to be carried around or to see cartoon network instead of CNBC or some such thing. Now he realised the weapon he has of crying and is trying to get his way. So why is it a big deal now? Well the demands are becoming very expensive and sometimes not all that easy to full-fill.
Next complaint, he is refusing to listen to his parents any more. Well, they give the instructions half heartedly and dont stick to the threats they make. For example, mommy says it is bed-time, he says no he wants to watch TV for some more time. Mommy dear doesnt have the heart to snatch the TV remote from him and switch off the TV and send him packing to bed. Why will he or why should he listen to her at all?
She sighs and says we were not like this growing up, we were so obedient and well-behaved, this generation kids are impossible. Now isnt that a reflection how we are bringing them up? Arent we responsible for them? Our parents taught us all the manners and instilled good values in us. Arent we supposed to do the same for our kids? I know parents who are addicted to TV, who go to bed late and get up late, so how are kids going to learn anything from them? And with what right do they demand the opposite of what they themselves are?
The problem is parents want to give the best for their children, which is good. But they forget that they have to provide not only materialistic comforts for them but also the best moral and ethical values. Nuclear families are putting a lot of pressure on parents, plus the fact that both the parents are working. By providing all luxuries for the children they think that they are doing a good job. But they dont realise that without bothering to explain where all that comes from and at what price, they are spoiling them more than anything.
Very true. Parents have a lot of influence on children. And most of child's behaviour is a reflection of the ways of the parents.
ReplyDeleteThanks for that part about the way you were brought up!
Mummy