Parents vs Children

It's the age-old debate. These days social media is abuzz with messages and stories on how the current generation kids are not taking care of their old parents. How the senior citizens are left to their own means. How the children are too busy with their lives and career to take care of their parents.

It is not just about taking care of parents, the current generation is getting beaten up for their lack of values, dress sense, respect for elders and the list goes on. While I am not saying that the current generation is perfect, I want to ask one question - are parents in no way responsible for this behaviour of their kids? Who teaches these values to the kids? Is it not the parents?

Let us see what is happening in the current households. It consists of father, mother and one or two kids. The age gap between the kids is a minimum of 4-5 years. A typical day starts with a flurry of activities. Mothers trying to get the kids out of their beds, taking care of the breakfast and packing lunch, ensuring the maid is doing what she is supposed to do. If the mother is working then add to the potpourri the pressure to get ready for office. Father tries to help, mostly by staying out of the way. After schools, kids rush to various activities like coaching some sport, dance or music class and of course tuitions. They come home tired, but the day is not yet over. They have to complete their homeworks and prepare for the classes next day. Mother is, as usual, slogging in the kitchen trying to get dinner ready and getting things ready for the next day. Father comes home late from work too tired and frustrated with work, boss, and traffic. There might be some change in the roles that the individual parent plays and the amount of domestic help available to the household, but it is pretty much the scenario. If the kid offers to help either parent, they are shooed away, reminding them of their studies or asking to enjoy life. What does the child do? It's too risky to play outside, with traffic and lack of space, so they get addicted to either TV or video games or mobiles. The children are not involved in the day-to-day activities, because they are just kids and are supposed to enjoy life, not get into "adult matters". There is no interaction among the family members, meal times being staggered as per each member's schedule. Weekends are also equally busy with everyone ending up going their own way, kids going out with their friends and parents going their way grocery shopping or meeting relatives. While all this fosters a independent and self-reliant individual, the concept of family and co-existence goes for a toss. Once the child grows, he/she pursues their dreams and has their own career in their own space. Parents encourage the kid to be independent and are proud of the fact. The children maybe very successful in their careers, but when it comes to the personal front, they fail miserably. They are not capable of handling simple relations. Live-in relations, separations, marriages and divorce become very common. Children are torn between the values that seem to crop up suddenly and the reality which seems to be clashing with these "values and norms".
The major problem comes once the parents grow old. They are used to being the providers and givers, they find the role-reversal a bit difficult to handle. They cannot give up the age old habit of being in charge and end up giving suggestions in the name of helping the child. Also they are not used to seeking help, so find it hard to tell their child that they need assistance and help. Children grew up without any idea of the needs of their parents. Parents always provided and took care of everything so the child has no clue as to how to take care of their own parents. Even if they try, the constant badgering of advice makes them feel inadequate. It is never good enough or they feel that the parent is being adamant and uncompromising.

Going back in time, to the age without TVs, Video games or mobile phones. How did people pass time? Kids played outside and a bond was formed among the kids of similar age groups. Education was simpler, without being piled on with extra classes and courses. Children were allowed to help their parents in household chores. A notion of sharing and sense of neighborhood feeling and belonging was born. Families or friends would go to movies and follow it up with discussions about the movies, the story, characters etc. This would inculcate the habit of listening to other's viewpoints and development of analytical skills. Then there was the story telling time, either during or post dinner. The stories usually revolved around some value or moral which by repeated telling got ingrained in the child. So without explicit teaching, the value system was established. Then, there were Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles who would interfere in family affairs and dole out loads of advice. These matriarchs and patriarchs formed the much needed therapeutic support system. Kids got to see all the arguments and fights among family members, and it would make them realise that even with all the differences family stayed together, celebrated together. A tiff here and there is quite normal and doesn't necessarily mean the end of the world. Since the kid was always the part of family be it doing chores or taking part in any decision making process, they belong and know how to take care of parents when need arose. Of course, there are exception to the norm, even then there would be some wayward kid. Or a kid who sets of to explore greener pastures. But since it was a joint, a communal living, some relative or the other took care of such parents. And it was acceptable since everyone grew up together and helping each other came naturally.

So who is at fault? The self reliant and independent child or the overprotective and concerned parent? Each one is right in their own sense. Parent for expecting the child to take care of them and pay some respect to culture and traditions. Children for wanting to explore the new avenues and wanting to live life on their terms. And each one has their own setbacks. Parent for concentrating on providing all luxuries to the child and not letting them evolve on their own. Children for taking parents for granted and refusing to see their viewpoint.