From birth, we are told what to do or rather what not to do. Our actions were always under the radar and we were under constant scrutiny. We were expected to obey blindly, without asking any questions. We were to do what we were told to do, not try and evaluate the rationale behind such an order. And then suddenly we are being asked to get in touch with our "real self". "Self-realisation" is the key to happiness, we are told. Now, where is this self?
As infants, we emulated and followed our parents. Then we obeyed and followed our teachers. Later spouse and in-laws. Finally, kids and grandkids. If at any time we asserted ourself, we were branded a difficult child, a rebel teenager, an arrogant employee, or a selfish person depending on the position in life.
We studied hard because our parents told us to. We became an engineer because our teachers said we had the potential. We went abroad because our friends said it was the best thing to do. We accepted a lucrative offer from an MNC because our placement coordinator said it was the best deal. We burnt the midnight oil because our boss said it was good for the career. We retired because everyone said it was time to relax and enjoy. But, we don't feel fulfilled and that is making us unhappy. Apparently, "self-realisation" would help us find our happiness. Hmm, where is this "self", what is it, and how do we find it? How could we have retained the "self" while giving in to all these demands? We are so used to this constant monitoring and guidance, that we really don't know what we want. And now all the self-help gurus are advising us to get in touch with the "real me". What is the "real me"? We are the amalgamation of our parents, our teachers, our spouse and god knows who else. Where is the "real me"?
We are told to be a witness and that it would help with realisation. But then it is even more confusing, the world is behaving in a totally different way than what we were taught. We were taught to keep our voice down, but everyone is yelling to be heard over all the noise. We were taught to be polite and courteous, but only people polite and courteous are the ones in need. We were taught to be mindful, but the only thing everyone seems to be mindful about is their smartphones. So, is the loud, obnoxious, self-absorbed the real self?
Then we are told we are our true self when we are alone. Look around. We are on our best behaviour when we have an audience. When the cops are around, we follow traffic rules, wear helmets/seat belts, and don't jump lanes. We are diligent walkers with a friend else we relax on a park bench during our morning walks and pretend to be tying shoelaces if someone passes by. When the family is around, we stick to the diet plan the doctor laid out for us, or else we binge on the extra dessert. So what does this mean? Is the rule-breaking, indisciplined, indulgent our real self?
End result, we are more confused than ever and totally lost in an attempt to find the elusive "real me"?
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