My (Semi-) Enlightenment

मा कुरु धनजन यौवन गर्वं हरति निमेषात्-कालः सर्वम् |

मायामयमिदम्-अखिलं हित्वा ब्रह्मपदं त्वं प्रविश विदित्वा ||

(Do not take pride in wealth, friends and youth. Each one of these is destroyed within an instant by Time. Free yourself from the illusion of the world of māyā and attain the realm of brahman, timeless truth)

I understood the true import of this verse from Adi Sankaracharya's Bhaja Govindam this past one month.

Let me digress a bit, it's not every day that one is enlightened, so let me set the stage and build to the climax.

Growing up, I had been a good listener, not only listening I started observing people and tried to emulate the behaviour I liked and avoid that which I didnt. As I grew older the act of learning from others declined a bit - I attained a position of superiority. But luckily given my reticent nature I didnt turn preachy.

Once I crossed my 40 I started observing people around me, once again. This time the focus was on aged and elderly. I noticed one thing. People who were active physically and mentally, looked more happy and satisfied with life in general. Activity could be walking, gym, solving puzzles or as mundane as following a daily serial on television. Basically I concluded people needed some purpose in life, post retirement, something they look forward to getting up each day in the morning. That started my tryst with various forms of physical excercise regimes - gym, aerobics, walking, running, yoga and finally I settled to walking and yoga. Mental activities included apart from puzzles, sudoku, crossword - learning new subject. Collection of degrees before settling to philosophy especially with religious leanings.  

So coming to the present, over the past couple of years, I became cocky. I was getting compliments for my looks and fitness. Most of my friends had started feeling the pinch of the age - arthritis, low stamina etc., I was in a better shape relatively. I started giving unwanted advice and resenting when my word was not heeded. To the extent of being critical of the very people who guided me on this path. Arrogance set in.

Result - it started with small reminders - a fall here, a tumble there. Nothing major but they were there, I was arrogant saying I always bounce back in no time. And I did. Those around me also started appreciating me. And it all went to my head. Only to be taught a bigger lesson. 

Chikungunya induced joint pains. I knew that we humans are not infallible but experiencing it is a totally different ball game. The first week was bad - fever, pains and weakness. Then came relief - big time. Doctor warned me - "it will come back, it always does. It will come back big time and the pattern will repeat for 3-6 months." Two weeks passed and I was doing good. Everybody was surprised and attributed it to my fitness and that my yoga helped "lubricate" the joints resulting in my speedy recovery.

I thought great, I beat the big one. Off we went on the pre-planned Char Dham trip to Uttarakhand. I survived the trip, it was beautiful though a bit difficult, not as much as I feared. We came back and so did my joint pains - with vengeance.  Nothing i do was working or easing my condition. It has humbled me in ways i can't describe. The only thing i could do was lie down. Not being much of a TV person and since reading lying down was giving me headache, i depended heavily on audiobooks. 

All this lying down triggered introspection and self-analysis. All the teachings from Bhaja Govindam and Atmabodh, excerpts from various philosophy discourses by multiple authors suddenly made sense. How insignificant we are in this vast universe, mere speck of dust. We think we are in control of our lives - we are not. Everything happens as per pre-destined fate, nothing we do will avert it. We can only prepare ourselves and be ready for the worst!!!!

This Dusshera I vow to surrender completely to the divine and keep my ego at the minimum.